LISTEN UP, PEOPLE! Last week I HANDED YOU GUARANTEED MONEY with the Bills, the Bengals 4th-quarter comeback against the Jaguars, the Ravens, the Lions’ 31-point bloodbath over Chicago, the Cardinals, and the Chargers’ Monday night masterpiece! The week before? I gave you the Eagles who soared over Dallas, the Commanders who bulldozed the Giants, Denver’s mile-high defense which suffocated the Titans, Cincinnati’s Burrow-Chase connection that torched Cleveland, and Minnesota —ALL ABSOLUTE LOCKS!

Over two weeks now, my algorithm didn’t just win—it DEMOLISHED sportsbooks to the tune of 11-0! Yep, I have yet to lose on the bets offered here. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?! My proprietary spreadsheet DEVOURS injury reports down to the third-string special teamers, SPITS OUT garbage time stats like watermelon seeds, and WEAPONIZES pressure metrics. This isn’t just next-gen data—it’s FINANCIAL WARFARE with laser-guided precision! Check the weekly blog posts if you don’t believe me! My family and friends should be SWIMMING in COLD, HARD CASH! (But of course, my kids stopped listening to me years before they moved out of the house, so I know better. Haha.)

The betting formulas—those data-based SCIENCE mathematical equations that separate winners from losers—are consistent with hard-earned knowledge accumulated through decades of studying point spreads and poring over injury reports. My ability to wager has evolved like a shark’s hunting instinct. Picture this: you don’t mindlessly bet every NFL game on Sunday, just as you’d be a complete knucklehead for emptying your wallet on all ten races at Saratoga. Instead, you hunt for those precious overlays—those golden opportunities where sportsbooks odds (which are dictated by the betting public you know) are wrong—and only strike when your projected margin exceeds their line by a significant cushion. Take last week: my algorithm calculated Detroit to demolish my beloved Bears by 21 points, while Vegas set a measly -4.5 line. That 16.5-point overlay was like finding a $100 bill on an empty sidewalk. When the Lions steamrolled Chicago by 31 points. I watched with cold, calculating eyes rather than the heartbreak of a true fan. (Blood runs green, but money runs greener.)

I can’t predict another perfect record—variation lurks like a pickpocket in every statistical model—but this week my algorithm is practically SCREAMING about Buffalo and Washington as clear overlays. Though I’m not officially suggesting wagers on the NFC North bloodbath, don’t be shocked if all four teams emerge victorious, even my pathetic Bears with their tissue-paper offensive line facing the hollowed-out carcass of the Cowboys—a team I’ve mathematically dissected and ranked 26th in my 32-team power index.

For futures bets, my metrics still show Buffalo’s explosive offense, Baltimore’s defensive wall, Detroit’s resurgent attack, and Green Bay’s tactical precision as the four horsemen of this NFL apocalypse, with Philadelphia’s squad lurking just behind them like a hungry predator.

As always, good luck to family and friends.